Some say that love is the most powerful and magical force. But it is also the most formidable thing in the universe, and that there would be nowhere else it could discover and display its beauty and wonders more, than in an intimacy relationship between two people. It is said to be invisible and cannot be measured yet so powerful enough to be able to transform someone in a moment and give you so much joy than any material possession one could ever have (Angelis, 10).
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Real love refers to as an act of faith, which means you commit yourself without any guarantees of the other person loving you back. The bible tells us that, Love is patient, kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not proud or rude, it is not self seeking or easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. Love never fails. An example of such kind of love is agape love- it’s offered or given despite of how the other partner behaves; it’s a form of real love which is unconditionally committed to an imperfect person. It’s a love that is transparent, strong enough to let your partner to get close to you and tell the honest truth, share your positive and negative feelings and it is this kind of love that will be able to keep other types of love alive. Perfect love is the one that gives all and expects nothing. If you expect nothing and ask for nothing at all then you can never be betrayed or disappointed, its only when love demands that is bound to bring a lot of pain.
Real love is when you unconditionally care about the happiness of another person without thinking of what you might get for yourself, even when they don’t think of you, consider or give you nothing in return which includes gratitude; because you’re main concern is their happiness. Real love is not selfish but the one which has no limits or any conditions attached to it.
Without real love, we get miserable but with it our happiness is genuinely true. And this is not the kind of happiness we get from money, sex or conditional approval, its also not the same as the feeling that we get from entertainment or from getting people to do what we want, but this is genuine happiness which is profound, a long lasting sense of peace and fulfillment that will deeply satisfy us and enlarge our souls. It doesn’t disappear when circumstances or situations get worse. It preserves and even grows through sufferings and hardships. This true happiness is our entire purpose to live and is the type of happiness which can only be obtained and guaranteed as we find real love and be able to share it with other people. “With real love nothing else matters; without it, nothing else is enough” (Baer, 12).
The feeling of being loved and also becoming unconditionally loving doesn’t happen all at once like a twinkling of an eye, it takes time and patience. You are not going to loose all your fears, disappointments, anger or pain overnight, it’s a journey, but a journey that is worth every effort.
Some people worry or even fear that loving unconditionally might turn them to a doormat that everyone around them is going to use. But the truth is when you love people unconditionally, that does not imply you have the responsibility to give them everything they want; it would only mean you are being indulgent and immature. When you love someone unconditionally, you accept that person as they are and contribute to their happiness as wisely as you can but it does not entail that you respond to their every command.
Real love is when you tell somebody that you care about how they feel but conditional love is when you tell them that you like how they make you feel. Conditional love is selfish, one sided, it is what people offer us when we do what they want and sadly it’s the only kind of love most people have ever known. People have liked or loved us more when we make them feel good about themselves, meaning we have to buy conditional love. When we don’t know the difference between real and conditional love, we end up settling for give and takes of conditional love which always leaves us empty, unhappy, disappointed and frustrated. It is therefore advisable to know the two reliable signs that portray that love is not genuine: that is anger and disappointment (Baer, 22).
When it comes to love relationships, we often feel safe enough to express our love and attain intimacy when we are sure that the bridge is solid and that we also feel confident of its support.
Trust is that bridge which is there between individuals that enables them to cross over to each other in whichever relationship, whether its friends, lovers or business associates. We tend to feel comfortable and secure with a sturdy foundation beneath us, but when it comes to real love, you just love without expecting anything in return, that way you are actually exempted from being hurt (Block, 18).
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In conclusion, what we have observed is that the foundation of our disappointment, irritation, anger, resentment and even bitterness in our souls is not caused by the people around us, but by lack of real love among ourselves. Understanding they say is just a simple realistic assessment of how things are, but blame shows anger and pain which can only bring harm to both yourself and others. The point is: If someone doesn’t know how to love, don’t tell them but show them and sooner or later they’ll begin to speak and understand the language of love.
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